This morning was absolutely bananas. Not the good kind. I’m talking about rotten bananas. Yes.
This morning, I had absolutely one of the WORST panic attacks to this day that I’ve ever experienced. It was debilitating. I honestly thought I was about to leave this Earth. I have never been so scared in my life.
To start the morning off, I didn’t really sleep well, so waking up was interesting since I felt weird. Nonetheless, I got up and started my day. I sat down for a few minutes, breathed in and out slowly and then started praying because, if some craziness were to occur today, I didn’t want it to, for lack of better words, ruin the last day of 2018. So, I took some time to meditate and pray, and I felt better.
Once I got to work, got to my desk and started booting everything up for the day, I started to pack up a device we had to ship out. As I was walking down to the warehouse to drop off the package, I felt the small tinges of a panic attack trying to creep up and mess me up already this morning. As I felt my heart rate begin to increase, I told myself to just keep moving and to not draw attention to myself. I made it to the warehouse, but the package I needed to drop off, I couldn’t drop off since the warehouse was closed. They told me I needed to drop the package off at the front desk for FedEx to pickup.
Not the good kind. I’m talking about rotten bananas.
My heart rate still increasing, and as I’m trying to control and focus on my breathing, I make my way to the front desk reception area. Once I opened the door to the front desk area, everything just went awry. Focusing on my breathing worked to no avail. My heart rate now racing exceedingly fast as if Danica Patrick herself was driving it, I threw the package down that I was carrying into one of the waiting area chairs for visitors, flew open the front door and ran outside to the parking lot in the rain. Weakness was taking over my body, yet I still found myself running around the parking lot like a weirdo trying to ward off this panic attack and tell myself that I’m okay.
At this point the rain was steadily increasing, but I didn’t care as it was cooling down my body’s momentarily increased temperature. I pulled out my phone and called my mother since at some point, my vision became a little blurry and I thought I was going to pass out right in the middle of the wet parking lot. Still, though I felt extremely weak, here I was, alone, continuing to run around the parking lot of my work place. Though my 95% of my body was weak, there was an odd strength in my legs. I kid you not, I felt like someone was holding me up and refused to let me fall.
As I was talking to my mother on the phone, I was saying to her in a panicked breath, “Gosh, Mom, I know I’m okay because I’m out here, moving around and talking to you. Clearly, I’m fine! But this is the craziest thing, I can’t believe this is happening right now. This would happen on the last day of the year,” as I tried to let out a little laugh. Meanwhile as the call went on, and I’m still walking around, now in circles at this point (like a weirdo), my mom kept telling me how blessed I am, how I made it through so much this year, and that the devil is just trying his hardest to take me out and he can’t seem to do so. Though she was telling me things I already know, it’s different to hear someone else say these things to you. As if it’s an extra reminder. She kept telling me that God has me, and don’t I know it! Finally, this bizarre panic attack thankfully began to subside as I made my way back into the building, now pretty damp from the rain.
Here’s the kicker to this story, and you can’t tell me God isn’t real: Once back inside, I picked up the package I threw down and approached the lady sitting at the front desk window. I began to apologize to her if she had seen me hurriedly throw down the package I was holding and fling open the front door like a madwoman. While I was apologizing to her though, tears started just flowing nonstop. If you know me, I really don’t like crying in front of people at work (though by now it’s happened at least five times, LOL). The lady got up with a quickness, entered the lobby and began hugging me tight and praying, just like that. I had never been so grateful, and I say this because, you never know who shares the same beliefs with you wherever you go. She didn’t know that I shared the same belief in God either, but she didn’t let that stop her.
I kid you not, I felt like someone was holding me up and refused to let me fall.
Once she finished praying, as tears still were flowing out of my eyes, she sat me down in the lobby and started talking to me some more. Wouldn’t you know it, she began to speak about things that I have not told anyone at work. Not a soul. Nobody. It’s times like that, that God reminds us that He is VERY real and that He is listening to us, watching us, keeping us and sees every tear that falls. While I’m sitting there once again amazed with God, and she’s just telling me all those things, she reinforced a lot of the things I had been praying heavily about in these past two weeks.
These past two weeks, I mean I have really been praying fervently, and it’s been out of nowhere. I believe that I have felt a shift in my life and a lot of great, wonderful and amazing things are about to take place in which glory will be brought to God’s name as He uses me.
Well this explains that powerful panic attack which I felt was about to take me out, doesn’t it?
Ol’ dude satan basically said, “Oh naw. We can’t have that, now can we?” Well, guess what, BOY (prepare for the corniness):
“I’m living my best life! I ain’t going back and forth with you satan!”
Haha, though this actually did happen this morning, I wanted to share this story with you all as a reminder that, no matter how hard the enemy tries to strike you, as long as you remember that no weapon formed shall prosper, that you are a mighty child of God, and that GOD’S GOT YOU, that everything will be all right. Trust in Him, reignite your Faith and let’s hit the ground running for 2019.
I hope you all have a very Happy New Year! Stay safe, be responsible, pay attention to your surroundings (put that dern phone down) and make good choices if you’re going out to celebrate!!