As one of my favorite Youtubers sWooZie says: “Concentrate on solutions, not on problems.”
You know when you think you’re doing the right thing by someone, but in actuality you’re doing the wrong thing by someone, and you don’t realize it until it’s too late, or there’s been an insurmountable amount of damage done that you just don’t know how to go about fixing it and correcting your actions in a timely manner?
Yeaaah…I really screwed the pooch (inside joke) with this one guys. In a moment of self-disclosure, I’m speaking about my romantic relationship. When it comes to my boyfriend, I think about many different ways that I can make him happy. One way I thought I would make him happy is by telling him I’m okay with him doing certain things, even though in reality I definitely, absolutely and positively was NOT okay. I said I was okay, I suppose thinking that he somehow would be able to read my mind (and through a text message at that), and see that I wasn’t okay with whatever it was. Because I said I was okay, he could only go by what I told him, right? So as a result, since y’know, he definitely can’t read my mind, I got upset with him…because he didn’t read my mind (stupid, right?). I mean, I got REALLY upset. I turned into a whole jerk and it was not pretty. And no, I didn’t start throwing hands.
Because it wasn’t the first time something like this happened, it almost completely destroyed our relationship. I swear he must be thinking “You have GOT to be kidding me. Really? You’re doing this again? Really?” You would think I would learn from the first time, but no. I also have this problem where I can be a bit self-centered at times, thus causing me to miss an important lesson. Another thing, I am quick to argue (for a euphemism, debate), and I nag and nag and nag, when I should just get off things. But what do I do? I stay on it. Which makes things worse for absolutely NO REASON. Sounds crazy right? Why am I the way that I am?
I feel so incredibly bad about how I am because I really love this guy. I mean, not just love, I am in love with this guy. After reading Erica‘s post entitled My Real Life Jim Halpert, I was able to also say that my boyfriend is my Jim Halpert. Legit, like seriously (although we don’t actually work together lolol). He may drive me crazy and get on my nerves sometimes, but, like my dad, he can make me smile even when I have fire shooting out of my eyes. I’m not saying my world would come to an end if he decided to stop being with me, but I’d be pretty freaking devastated. A lot of people don’t understand our relationship, and it’s not really something I can explain. But, he makes me happy, he keeps me balanced. He prays for me. He takes care of me. He’s incredibly genuine. Super intelligent and creative. He’s also really goofy, and I swear, every time he smiles I get this warm feeling. His smile is a brilliant ray of sunshine.
Quite frankly…sometimes I feel that I don’t deserve him. With the s**t I put him through with expecting him to read my mind, and then blowing up when he doesn’t, I don’t deserve him. It’s not fair to him. It’s not fair to anyone. It’s not even fair to me. I’m shortchanging not only him, but also myself as well. He’s going to continue to think that things are okay when they really aren’t and that’s not his fault. It’s mine. Now, it’s not like I’m out here blatantly not even trying to get better about being honest about how I’m feeling. For some reason, sometimes I think it’s best not to be honest to save face, but it’s not really helping anything in the long run.
When you’re not upfront about how you’re feeling about different situations and then you get mad at the other person for not understanding, it’s not anyone’s fault but your own. You’re only breeding hate and resentment for the other person, and it’s not even valid. You can’t go through life like that, you can’t expect to maintain and grow in any of your relationships behaving like that. So when you’re called out on your BS, learn from it, do better and prosper! If not, have fun in the sunken place, fam.
Okay, no, don’t do that. No sunken place. Just do better, period. Be as fair as you possibly can. Also, remember people, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes! Always putting your boyfriend or girlfriend’s happiness before yours isn’t the right thing to do. Love isn’t always about compromising either, it’s about having mutual respect for one another. If there’s a need to compromise, after being honest about how you felt about something your boyfriend or girlfriend did, both of you need to benefit. There shouldn’t be a loss. As one of my best friends just told me, my solution is to just talk and be honest about how I’m feeling. What’s so difficult about that? Nothing. Nothing at all. Gosh, Bianca, get yourself together woman. If you’re like me, and you can’t hide your emotions because your face is a whole nark, when someone asks you what’s wrong…my gosh, you better tell them. When someone asks you what’s wrong period, and there’s actually something wrong…TELL THEM.
That is all.