Things really do start to change once you stop running away from the reality of things, take a step back and accept where you are. First and foremost, your perspective immediately changes. If you don’t accept where you’re at, you won’t change. You’ll remain stuck in the same cycle.
Hello everyone! It’s my first blog post of 2018, woo woo!
I wanted to start this year off by talking about Accepting your Reality. After spending New Year’s Eve with two lovely ladies who are near and dear to my heart, I finally accepted the reality of what my 2017 was and where I am at in my life. After about a hour and a half of crying a river of tears, declaring that things will be different, prayer and hugs, I knew 2018 was not going to at all be like 2017. I felt and knew it in my spirit.
All of 2017, I was in a depression and this was a deep seated depression too. Because I refused to accept why things were going the way they were, I had grown to be comfortable in this depression. I wouldn’t admit it either.
I’m actually horribly insecure about a lot of things, and because of this I was making the mistake last year of looking to my boyfriend to validate me on those insecurities; to tell me I’m not those things I was thinking about myself. When he failed to do that as much as I wanted, everything basically spiraled out of control and I almost got put out of my parents’ home because of my attitude (not going into detail LOL). I was looking to him for so much and I kept getting denied. It was affecting the relationship and I actually sent several break up texts and made a few of those phone calls.
The absolute most important relationship in my life, my relationship with God, was getting totally neglected because I was looking to a man to validate me. People will fail you, whether they intentionally do it or not, it’s bound to happen several times in our lives. That’s just how we are. God will never fail you though, and I had apparently forgotten that. God already validated me long before I was conceived. He told me I was beautiful, powerful, fearfully and wonderfully made, intelligent, worth it, extraordinary, stunning…He told me all of that! I am all of that because God lives within me, because God made me.
So, how did I end up at a point in my life where I was looking for this guy to tell me all of those things? What happened? I honestly couldn’t tell you. I don’t know when, or why, but it happened and I was on the verge of losing myself…literally losing myself. I stopped eating. I let this guy affect me so much that my appetite would come and go at the drop of a hat. I found myself getting way more angrier than I ever have in my life. I stopped doing the things I loved and stopped being my normal energetic and goofy self. I put my life basically on hold for him by waiting around for him to tell me I’m beautiful and all those other things I mentioned. I began to constantly make myself available for him that I became unavailable to myself and God. A relationship isn’t supposed to be like that…my mom told me that my smile had become virtually nonexistent.
I believe he was trying to help me, along with my friends and family, but they didn’t know how. All they could do is go off of what I was telling them. Remember…other people can’t help you if you’re not willing to help yourself. I mean, they can try to help, but unless you’re ready to help yourself, nothing they do will change a thing. Also, no one can help if you don’t even know what you need help with. That’s why it’s critical to accept where you are and identify what you need to work on. Otherwise it’s going to seem like no one understands you, everyone is against you, and everything is just bad and out of control.
Y’all, it was a LONG year.
Quick interjection: Now, I’m not saying he wasn’t telling me I was beautiful or any of those other things at all, don’t get me wrong and start wanting to kill this man. He just wasn’t telling me as much as I would like to hear it. I wanted him to tell me basically to the point where I would believe it myself. He’s a great guy, super great. He’s like a balance to me, kind of like me in a male form but possessing qualities that I lack. I honestly do love this guy.
I’m so grateful to God though because, He never let go of my hand. Once you open up your heart to Him, He’ll never let you go. It’s because I accepted where I was at that I can finally start making changes to improve myself. It’s because I remembered who I was, what I’ve been through, and what I’m capable of that I can get better and continue to grow into the person God wants me to be.
I am strong, I am worth it, I am beautiful, I am extraordinary, I am gentle, I am powerful, I am caring, I am loving, I am intelligent, I am full of God’s everlasting joy, I am wonderful, I am different…
You are too!
Continue to have faith in God, trust in Him. Have faith in yourself. Accept who you are and change for the better if a change needs to be made. Stay prayed up!
LET’S HAVE AN AWESOME YEAR, FAM.