I try not to post too much about relationships, more specifically the romantic ones, simply because I could go on and on for days. However, I felt the need to go ahead and do it today. It’ll probably happen again in the future though.
One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling like you don’t matter to the one person you’d think you’d be one of the people that mattered the most to them. It sucks, and it hurts. You might’ve even expressed this feeling to your S/O, but it just appears that these expressed feelings fell on deaf ears. So, what do you do in a situation like this? I certainly don’t have the answer. For myself however, a lot of prayer for understanding and hope that things will change.
Things might’ve gotten this way from an unexpected and an unfortunate chain of events. Whatever the case may be, IT’S CRITICAL, that if you genuinely love and care for the person you’re with, you absolutely must keep expressing and showing that love despite the circumstances of what the current situation is. I’m sure we don’t always feel like doing it, but we have to choose to do it because we so love and care for our S/O. It begins to get tiring if only one person is doing this. The one person putting in all the work might begin to give up and have doubts and reservations about the true feelings of their partner. Other thoughts might begin to circulate through your mind that you just don’t want to be there. They begin to keep you up all night. Then here comes the anger, disappointment. Etc. Etc.
You must never stop chasing the person you’re with. We hear this time and time again. What you did in the beginning must continue on throughout the relationship. Do not get comfortable! If you’re in a relationship with someone, and you find yourself incapable of loving your S/O how you did in the beginning, ask yourself: Was this true love, or an infatuation?
In speaking on this topic, one of my closest friends mentioned this to me. If you’ve been praying and asking God for signs of what you should do:
“Listen to the signs when they are presented. If you feel it’s God, don’t ignore Him. You don’t have to act with haste; if you need a week to just write it out: pros & cons, saying [their] name in the place of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, list out goals and see if [they] can contribute to any of them…DO IT! If [they] have more cons or doesn’t fit into that verse or your plans, you have your answer.
Yes, instead of love doesn’t boast put “[your S/O]” doesn’t boast and so on. The goals and stuff just by how [they] have been treating you, [their] personal qualities and things that you’ve noticed…. see if those are things that can help you or even encourage you to reach the goals you have listed. Like, can you truly see [them] being there and encouraging you on the sidelines as your partner? If one of your goals was to win a Nobel Prize, could you see [them] right there, rooting you on, wiping your tears and telling you, ‘You deserved this!’?”
Do this, and pray. Really pray and wait for an answer from God. But if you’ve been receiving your answers for a while now, you have a decision to make. Everyone who comes into your life are not destined to survive all of your seasons with you.
HOWEVER. If you know without a shadow of a doubt in your heart that it’s just a difficult place you’re both in right now, keep the faith. Become more aware of each other’s feelings. Stop saying what you’re going to do and do it. Get rid of the uncertainties. Reassure your S/O. Learn their love language and begin to speak in it! [Read the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman if you don’t know what they are]. The best apology is a change of action for the better. Pray together. Choose love…
But if you can’t bring yourself to do it anymore…let them go.